everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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