Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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