but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize