I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
