If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
