that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
