I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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