im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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