So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
