Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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