he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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