In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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