i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
