dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
