dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
