Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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