Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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