im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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