she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
