we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Rumble strips road head = magical
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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