mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
