Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
