i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
