I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
