I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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