saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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