I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
