I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
