i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
