I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
