I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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