Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
