Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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