Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
