We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
