And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
