DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
