i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
