You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
