So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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