I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
