the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
