Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
