Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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