Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
