Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
