she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
