If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize