fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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