apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
