the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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