you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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