Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
