Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
two words: eviction party
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
