I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just google imaged poop.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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