did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
