My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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