Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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