Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
