She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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