i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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