Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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