They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
