tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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