I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
