just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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