my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
