Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
