You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize