Only a mothe r could love this liver
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
