Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
