Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
