He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
