Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Use "feeling words"
Yay
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
