My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize