I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
