She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
