So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
