I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize