It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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