You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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