she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize