Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
