problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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