After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
