that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
