I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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