Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
