took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
