Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
