So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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