ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
