I wish my penis had an off switch
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize