You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
