Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
