i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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