The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
