did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
