at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
