At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
