Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
