you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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