i just wanna soil my oats bro
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
