Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So. Much. Porn.
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